Stargate Atlantis

Warning Crack Fic Ahead
Liberal Use of the Evil Overlord List

A Month at Atlantis

A/N: Ok, so I’m bored and went looking at my old bookmarks…. Snicker. I plan on going through the Evil Overlord’s List in order, so beware.

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2: My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through.
For the umpteenth time, John was forced to hunt the prisoner through ventilation shaft when the computers failed to find him. Cussing all the while and asking Rodney, yet again, just why they never got the cleaning robots to clean these f*ing things.

3: My noble half-brother whose throne I usurped will be killed, not kept anonymously imprisoned in a forgotten cell of my dungeon.
After the fight to retake the city from the pheromones used by Rod, he laid dead at the feet of his twin from this universe, Rodney. #4 fucker! Rodney screamed at the body of the twin as the rest of the crew came down from the chemical high they had been on. (Shooting is NOT too good for my enemies.)

7: When I’ve captured my adversary and he says, “Look, before you kill me, will you at least tell me what this is all about?” I’ll say, “No.” and shoot him. No, on second thought I’ll shoot him then say “No.”
Sheppard was sooo done with this shit as he walked away from the dead body of the Genii Leader.

13: All slain enemies will be cremated, or at least have several rounds of ammunition emptied into them, not left for dead at the bottom of the cliff. The announcement of their deaths, as well as any accompanying celebration, will be deferred until after the aforementioned disposal.
Caldwell looked aghast at the many, many dead bodies around them that he had come upon as he arrived. Then he decided he didn’t want to know and walked off when the Geeks told the gate keeper to open the gate to the Space gate for body disposal.

Weir just looked at John and Rodney strangely as John put his hand over Rodney’s mouth and said Number 20. Getting a hurtful look back and puppy dog looks, “No. Number 20.” (Despite its proven stress-relieving effect, I will not indulge in maniacal laughter. When so occupied, it’s too easy to miss unexpected developments that a more attentive individual could adjust to accordingly.)

John looked at the new uniform design coming out from SGC directly from DC and sighed. Lorn looked at him so he sent it over to him stating it didn’t pass the 21 test at all. (I will hire a talented fashion designer to create original uniforms for my Legions of Terror, as opposed to some cheap knockoffs that make them look like Nazi stormtroopers, Roman foot soldiers, or savage Mongol hordes. All were eventually defeated and I want my troops to have a more positive mind-set.)

John just sighed as he looked at the unconscious body of Weir then wrote out his report on how she was injured for SGC, Number 22: No matter how tempted I am with the prospect of unlimited power, I will not consume any energy field bigger than my head.

The NCO’s were bummed because no marine on earth outside of SGC/A would play wargames with them anymore (23: I will keep a special cache of low-tech weapons and train my troops in their use. That way — even if the heroes manage to neutralize my power generator and/or render the standard-issue energy weapons useless — my troops will not be overrun by a handful of savages armed with spears and rocks.)

John finished taking out the door guards to his team’s rooms, then they made they 2 millionth escape to yet another gate. Ronon looked at him as they got to the Alpha site to be cleared through…. 26? John just sighed and nodded. (No matter how attractive certain members of the rebellion are, there is probably someone just as attractive who is not desperate to kill me. Therefore, I will think twice before ordering a prisoner sent to my bedchamber.)

Rodney and Radek ran into Miko’s lab to see a newly imported minion from the IOA laying in a puddle of piss with taser prongs in him. Miko just made sure to kick the bastard where she was sure would make it so the minion would have sex again as long as he lived, or unlived as the case may be. Telling the two who came in to see what happened, 27 the mother fucker. And stomped away. (I will never build only one of anything important. All important systems will have redundant control panels and power supplies. For the same reason I will always carry at least two fully loaded weapons at all times.)

34: I will not turn into a snake. It never helps, John said as he got up off the floor where he had been after he had been given the antidote.

And that, General Landry is this month’s reports on just how boring it is here at Atlantis.
Signed Colonel Johnathan Patrick Sheppard.

Fini
1/7/2026